As I sat finishing up Christmas cards yesterday, my mind and heart filled with gratitude. In life, seasons change, and with those changes come growth and adjustment.
As we age and pressures and stresses grow, we have to become protectors of our energy. We do not have an unlimited supply of energy. Physically, most of the time, my energy level is fairly high. When there is a job to do, I can get it done. My natural supplements help with that. Emotional energy, however, can be a different story. My emotional energy can be drained by heaviness around me. Is this something that you can relate to?
For those who know me personally, I have shared my struggles with people pleasing. Thinking I am disappointing others drains the energy right out of me. So does trying to please others and worrying about what they might say or think. Do you battle this too? Why do we care so much?
Doing internal work to get to the root issues has helped me learn more about myself and given me ways to adjust my mind and my thoughts. I am a compassionate and empathetic person. Helping others gives me joy. However, when someone takes those feelings to an unhealthy level of wanting to be liked by everyone, it does not serve anyone well. It can steal energy and joy, is unsatisfying, and can actually lead to resentment.
What are ways that we can preserve our energy if we are prone to people pleasing behaviors? Here is a list of 5 things that have helped me and may benefit you as well.
- Sit down with yourself and learn your “why.” Consider why it matters so much what an individual might think. Also consider if either of you are being served well by your thoughts or actions.
- Write it down. Journaling our thoughts and feelings can help us work through our internal struggles. Here we may just find the root cause.
- Consider ways to adjust your thinking on how you can serve others and keep your energy at the same time. This is where we start becoming in tune with our needs as well as the needs of others.
- Take care of yourself. We hear the phrase quite often, “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” This is very true. What are things that fill your cup? It may mean some time at the spa, or it may just mean a few minutes of quiet time alone. Self-care does not have to be time consuming or extravagant to be effective.
- Guard yourself. Allowing others to dictate how we live our lives can lead the way to resentment. That really is not fair to either party. When we allow others to dictate our decisions based on people pleasing, whether they know they are doing it or not, we often get angry at ourselves for allowing that to happen. Guard yourself and free yourself from those feelings. A run, walk, punching bag, or intense workout can serve as a good session to free pent up emotions.
Since I started this post with Christmas cards, you may be curious what they have to do with all I have said. This year I scaled back on activities, Christmas cards, and expectations I put on myself. I allowed myself to let go of some things that are stealing my energy and joy by adding too much pressure. I realized when Christmas cards just became a list, it was not serving anyone well. My house has been a bit messier and there are still a few presents that need to be bought. My usual mindset of “everything has to be perfect and I have to be everything to all” has been dropped. You know what? This has allowed me to be present. It has allowed me to enjoy conversations with my children, to take in the twinkling lights around me, and the ability to be there for those who love me and appreciate me for who I am and not what “I’m supposed to be.”
What changed this for me? This year has hit different. Yes, I have 42 years of learning that has helped. The past year has grown me in so many different ways because I was willing to dig deep into the uncomfortable. The biggest fact that changed this for me was the realization that life is a gift. We are not promised tomorrow so I must take today and find joy in TODAY. Sunday I turn 43. My oldest brother did not make it to his 43rd birthday. I will not squander my life over trying to please others. I will choose to find joy in each new day that I am given to live. My brother taught me much in life but has also taught me in death. That has been his gift to me this year. Do not waste the life you have by allowing grief, fear, or others expectations to keep you from truly LIVING. Will you join me in truly LIVING as we go through the holidays? How about as we dive into the new year? I’m excited about 2024, but right now I am going to enjoy the end of 2023.
If any of this resonates with you, will you connect with me? I want you in my community so we can support and encourage one another as we learn and grow together. Will you comment, message me, or follow me on social media. I look forward to growing a community of likeminded sisters who want to embrace life and LIVE.
2 Comments
Thank you for this. It was both calming and exciting if that makes sense. Calming in that I sat quietly to read and absorb it and exciting to know positivity and change are within reach every day.
I hope you and your family have a peaceful and blessed Christmas and New Year
Thank you for your kind words. I am so glad this resonated with you. I am so sorry for the late response! Have a wonderful day!