Reflection can be a good thing. Sometimes, in order to move forward in a healthy way, we need to see where we have been and where we are going. Today, I took out the journal that I began in 2021 and reflected.
2020
2020 was a difficult year for EVERYONE! There were many challenges from health to loss to difficult decisions to financial strains. Families were forced to find a new normal amid shutdowns. Then, there was the sense of fear with all the uncertainty. It was stressful. In my family, however, difficulty in 2020 started before the pandemic reeked its havoc.
Feeling the Emotions
One phone call threw me into a panic, and I was headed to the hospital to sit in a waiting room with my family. We anxiously awaited news of my oldest brother’s condition. A tragic illness and complicated recovery led to loss after months of hopes and let downs. Why do I share this? Because of reflection…seeing where we have been and where we want to go. 2020 left me brokenhearted and sad. With good reason, right? For sure, but I also knew that I could not stay in that place and function well. We have to feel the emotions of pain and loss. We cannot run from them. However, we can work through those emotions in a healthy manner and channel them in a positive direction.
Reflection
Today I want to share parts of my journal entry from January 1, 2021. My hope is that you find encouragement in the words that I share. I look back on this today and my thoughts are, “Wow, how far God has brought me!”
Journal Entry
“Here I sit at the beginning of a new year still recovering from the blows of this past year. I sit, reading/ reflecting- words penned from my mother, my daddy, and my brother. Words that come to mind as I reflect on 2020 are difficult, bad, sorrow, pain, loss, tears, and LOVE. Surviving to the end of 2020 holding fast to my faith, hope, and love was no small accomplishment and it is only by God’s grace and provision. The loss has been unbearably difficult at times…
So, on this first day of 2021, when my heart has been heavy with grief over starting a new year without my brother, I will choose gratitude and release. Release because that will be my word for 2021- in letting things, emotions, and people go that are holding me back and stealing my joy. And gratitude because in counting gifts, my perspective changes and leads to worshipping the Giver of those gifts. So, tonight I am thankful for a God who is present and my family.”
Gratitude
If you made it to the end, you may understand why I put such a focus on gratitude as a healthy habit. It really has been a saving grace in my life. Much healing has taken place since these words were written. There still is not a day that goes by that I do not thing of my brother. I have and am learning to channel those emotions into living life to the fullest and allowing who he was to inspire me.
Reflection, it is needed sometimes to move us forward.
Resources
Please note that this is my journey, and I share this to encourage and give you hope. I, however, am not a licensed therapist or counselor. If you are struggling through painful experiences, please do not wait to reach out and seek help from a professional. I do have a list of links to mental health resources available on my resources page that you may find helpful.
2 Comments
Thank you for sharing. I am grateful for you and your willingness to share from the depths of your heart. It touches my heart and I know it touched others.
Thank you for your kind words!