This morning I sat surrounded by my Christmas lights, snuggled in a blanket counting gifts, meditating on the Word, and reflecting. December comes and brings a slew of emotions.
Love It!
I love December! It is my birth month. The Christmas lights make me happy. You just cannot outdo Christmas music. Family time, traditions, and the food are just amazing this time of year. AND the peppermint…my FAVORITE!!!
Hate It!
Then, there are the moments in December I hated. The reminders of the Christmas Eve night, my sixth birthday, when my biological father passed away (As clarification, I specify “biological” because I refer to my “step” dad, who has been my father since I was 7, as my father/ dad now).
Running from Pain
For many years I overcompensated in December. I decorated to drown out painful memories. I stayed busy and put on my mask to hide the hurt. It always happened though. My husband and children would know that it was coming, and they would find me hunched over my book of memories in tears. You know, you cannot run from pain and hurt. It catches up with you. We are not meant to drown our feelings. We are meant to feel them, process them, learn from them, and grow from them. We are also meant to use our experiences to be there for others who may be experiencing similar situations.
A Little Differently Now
I do things a little different in December now. Decorations are still a big part of my month. However, it is because I love them and not because I am using them to hide something. I truly enjoy the lights, sounds, and smells of Christmas. Another thing I do differently is try to live in the present. To allow myself to soak up the joyful moments of the season. Yes, I still give myself grace and allow myself to feel. However, if I am living in the moment, I find I do not drown in hurt like I once did. My husband, my children, and my family deserve me present. Counting gifts is a part of every day for me, but especially in December. Relishing in the truths of God’s love through Advent has been so healing.
Learning and Growing
I am still learning and growing. Life is full of learning and growing. The situations and experiences that we face happen to mold us. We often hear that things we experience can make us bitter or make us better. We get to choose. I, for one, want to choose better.
Help and Hope
I am not a counselor or therapist, and I know the benefits of seeking therapy and counseling during difficult times. It can help us process our thoughts and give us strategies to work through our feelings and emotions. If you need help, please do not hesitate to seek a professional to help you process your situation. Also, understand that our habits can play a part in healing as well. If you need support in healthy habits that can also aid in healing, follow me on social media or contact me to see how I can support and encourage you. THERE IS HOPE!
